1. I feel (among my own personal sample of friends anyway) that I stand with the majority of working moms in feeling overworked and underappreciated in the "division" of labour at home. Not only do I work full time, but I also do the entire morning routine (breakfast, pack lunch, household chores, get the boy ready for and off to school) and the entire evening routine (pick up from school, dinner, shower, bedtime stories), not to mention 100% of the indoor housework, shopping, bills etc. My husband does most of the gardening. But, we live in the midwest, so that's really a three or four month a year job! He contends that he has a longer commute (by about 30 minutes) and thus is "tired" at the end of the day. The man doesn't even begin to know the definition of tired. Have I mentioned that he also sleeps in on Saturday and Sunday while I get up with our ever early rising son?

Bet you didn't expect a personal tirade, but this whole topic has been going round and round my exhausted head in recent weeks. I just want to cry, "Its not fair!!!".

Posted at 12:02PM on Jun 13th 2008 by Nicola

2. One thing I thought the article explored really well was the various factors (many of them cultural) that make us so naturally accepting of inequality in the home. My husband and I don’t take “equal parenting” as literally as some of the couples profiled in this piece, but we are close to a 50/50 balance. Of course, it took a lot of work and communication at first, but it was well worth the effort for us. Obviously, as Belkin points out, a 50/50 split is not going to work for every couple/family, but *if* you feel there’s a real disbalance in your home and are bothered by the lack of equity, I do think some of her points about why we tend to just accept the unfairness and shoulder the extra work are worth thinking about and discussing.

So many of my girlfriends complain about doing all the housework/childcare, but rarely address these issues and instead accept these disbalances as “reality” or “just the way things are.” I think I am especially sensitive to this because I have a daughter, and my husband and are conscious of how we model gender roles, etc. If she, as an adult, wants equity in her home, I would hate for her to believe her only recourses are complaint and apathy.

Posted at 12:11PM on Jun 13th 2008 by Cassandra

3. It seems that among households where both parents work in my age group (mid-30s), things are split fairly evenly. It tends to be expected that both spouses will do their fair share unless one parent works less (and there seem to be many parents who both work reduced hours or at least keep a very balanced work/family lifestyle). I'm from the Midwest, but even among my friends and family from the east coast and the South, it appears to be the same. Of course, there could be many factors - age, socioeconomic status, education - so it's hard to say what the greatest predictor of a 50/50 split is.

Posted at 1:19PM on Jun 13th 2008 by Lisa

4. I couldn't even imagine being married to a man who didn't do his 50%. We both work full time and we take turns at the doctors, the preschool meetings if we must, but we both try and be there for everything. I do most of the cooking (I'm better at it) and HE does most of the cleaning. He cuts the grass, rakes the leaves, and shovels the snow, I clean the floors. I do the shopping. He does the laundry. We take turns bathing and putting the kids to bed. I think it is ridiculous to let men get away with any less. So what if he works full time? So do I (and that goes for ANY mom stay home or other), and if I do half the household duties, by goodness he WILL do the other half.

Posted at 1:50PM on Jun 13th 2008 by Pavlina

5. Oh, and I forgot to add, I don't clean bathrooms unless DH is away on travel.

Posted at 2:00PM on Jun 13th 2008 by Pavlina

6. MLW & I have a fairly uncommon arrangement in that we do split up the workload roughly 50/50. The 'roughly' part comes with natural variances that will occur - obviously, there'll be times when one has to work late, run and errand, feels lousy, has out-of-town company drop in, whatever. But we divvy the work up pretty evenly.

I like to joke that she's management and I'm labor - and it sorta pans out that way. She handles almost all of the billpaying and paperwork stuff, whereas I handle nearly all of the chores around the house. I do a fair bit more than half of the cooking, but that's something I enjoy. She does a fair bit more than half of the laundry these days - which is something I do not enjoy.

We split the parenting duties up pretty evenly too - I'm the "get the kiddo up, fed, & ready to go in the morning" guy and she's the "winding the kiddo down at the end of the day and getting him into bed" gal. Works well that way since we're morning and night people, respectively.

I've seen far too many marriages crap out because of the "good ol' boy" redneck mentality that seems to subscribe to the old cliched notions of marriage from black & white TV shows.

My brother and some of my 'buds' have given me crap about being whipped. But, y'know, this isn't 1950. I'm not, for good and bad, my dad. I got married because I wanted a mate and a partner, not some kind of drone. I would never treat my wife as some kind of subserviant grunt. And I don't get treated like some kind of strong-backed but weak-minded doofus like the prototypical TV hubbies.

Anyway, sorry for the rant but not all guys are created alike...

Posted at 4:09PM on Jun 14th 2008 by Rob O.

7. I am a young mother (21 years old) to a 6 month old baby. My husband and I got married a year and a half ago. I work 30-35 hours a week and go to school about 20-25 hours a week. My husbands hours vary because he works construction. Some weeks he only works 10 hours, some he works 30. But yet, I am the one that cleans the house, does laundry, takes care of the baby, and so forth. But when I try to talk to my husband and tell him I feel I am doing more of the work, he tells me he feels like HE IS. When, I know hes not. He plays his PS2 and watches TV while Im up doing housework. I don't really know how to get him to help out more.

Posted at 11:48AM on Jun 18th 2008 by Melina

8. Melina, I suggest you take a stand. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you both need to come to some kind of agreement, set a schedule, etc. Obviously working it out like partners is the ideal way. But if he won't discuss the situation like an adult, then simply stop doing all the work!!! What will happen if you stop washing his dishes, doing his laundry, etc? Either he'll learn, or he'll be wearing an awful lot of dirty underwear. In my opinion, by being the one who always "cleans the house, does laundry, takes care of the baby, and so forth," you are enabling him to not contribute. The longer you let yourself be taken advantage of, the harder it will be to break the cycle.

Posted at 3:14PM on Jun 24th 2008 by cassandra